My last writing got a decent amount of views, but no comments. That's ok.
So what's on the plate today? I guess that I'm ready. I'm available. I wanted to say I was ready for dating a couple of weeks ago, but I would have been a liar. I feel ready again. It's like I look at all of the negative being waived at me in a threatening manner and my only response is, "Hell yes!"
So let me tell you a story about a man. I am in fact this man. (Yes I said man, dick. Don't insult me while reading my story) A man who's been figuring out his life for some unspecified number of years. A man who didn't know which way was up a few short weeks ago knowing only that he could at least count on the pattern of going to work when the sun goes down, and coming home just after sunrise covered in the nights labor. Patterns are good.
Patterns are comfortable, and when you spend enough time doing them they become so second-natured they are the perfect process for reexaming your entire life. It's almost as good as sleeping on something, but it takes much longer. I guess that I'm really getting a good sense of me, where I'm at, what I want.
I've had the experience of my first real love. It was tragic, and sad, and everything devastating. Except it was more devastating the way lost ice cream is to a kid. It was the end of the world when it happened, but it's essentially spilled milk. I thought it was going to take me a long time to feel ready like I did before, but I'm right where I was.
I spend days fantasizing conversations, dreaming of the future, imagining how great it's going to be one day with xxxx. She doesn't have a name yet. Or she has a name, but I don't know it so she's xxxx. (On second thought that just looks like something that's more pornagraphic than xxx. We'll change it to ___.) This girl, ___, is going to be amazing.
It's like I can feel it in my bones that something is coming. Maybe even ___ is coming. This wonderful, apparitinous, revery of a faceless desire. This girl who smiles with every muscle in her body when she's really happy. This woman who can give me shit because god knows I dish it out. (Shit meaning harmless playful shenannigans like poking fun) The one who's firm, real, but knows how to lend a tender touch, motivate me, push me, and love me. But that's a tale for the future, so we'll have to wait for that.
In all of this recent soul-searching I think I've finally reached the point where I can comfortably say I'm ready for it all to be serious and real for me. If the next girl I dated seriously was the right caliber of woman I could see myself being ready to get married. I know that takes time, but I've always wondered before what would happen if it got really serious, because I didn't know if I could feel ready for that, but I guess my desires in life are becoming more lucid.
So I guess that I'm saying look out ladies of Denver... Prepare to be wooed, by the master.
Jerrome
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